People with poor boundaries typically come in two flavors;
1. Those who take too much responsibility for the emotions/actions of others
2. Those who expect others to take responsibility for their own emotions/actions
Usually, these two types of people often end up in relationships together.
Healthy boundaries serve to establish your identity. It will help you to define your individuality & indicate what you will & will not hold yourself responsible for.
This is completely necessary for self care.
Without boundaries, we feel depleted, taken advantage of, taken for granted, intruded upon & under appreciated. Whether its in work, family, relationships... poor boundaries will lead to resentment, hurt, anger & burnout
So how do I set boundaries for myself?
Take time for self reflection - be honest with yourself about who you currently are & what you put up with. One of the hardest things in life is checking yourself & calling yourself out on your faults & mistakes & toxic traits which will contribute to the outcome of your situations.
Think of the ideal person you want to be, a future self that YOU would be proud of becoming & ditch anything that doesn't reach those standards. Be selfish with it!
"I can't be selfish, it's not me & it's not in me to be that person"
You don't have to become someone your not, you don't have to be nasty about it. You can cut people off silently. You have to remember that as we get older, people know exactly what they've done; that's usually why people don't or might not get back into contact with you after cutting them off. People would rather avoid you & the potential situation if they know they're in the wrong & need to apologize
Once you start to set boundaries & put them into place, you WILL notice how your life changes. People will view you differently & say you've 'changed' but that's when you know you're doing something right
You wonder why you aren't getting different outcomes to certain situations, so without these small, silent changes, things will stay the same in your life.
The hardest part is always taking to first step. Once you feel how much more in control you are, it becomes addictive & more importantly, completely necessary for personal growth.